But must great art come from great torment?

Volumes have been written about painters, writers, and musicians who were fueled by depression and addiction to produce what we consider to be canon master works. Perhaps the sensationalism of these stories indicates that we are actually drawn to drama itself.

About a decade ago I was falsely diagnosed with bipolar disorder. In the wake of a bad breakup, I was an exceptional film student but short on emotional intelligence. What followed was a series of creative cries for help.

This new label gave me license to be the tortured artist—it validated erratic behavior as a symptom of my artistic process. I turned to mood-stabilizing medicine as a safety precaution when I needed to be a “professional”; however, it only took a few years of numbing prescriptions to see them as stifling my essential self.

I knew that it was time to take personal responsibility for my toxic approaches to life, love, and art. After a heart-opening trip to Japan, I threw away the pills. It was at once liberating and terrifying.

Would I go crazy?

A rush of dormant creative energy surged through me. I recognized a deep need to reinvent myself. At this time, I was cast in a film about spiritual-awakening. As preparation for the character, I immersed myself in what were to me novel mindfulness-based practices: meditation, yoga, and wisdom traditions.

What might have been a tumultuous transition into my next chapter of life, instead became a testament of a deeper truth:

Art is also born from freedom, joy, and inspiration.

(The love of my life, Black Rock City, Rainbow!)

A paradigm-shift punctuated by expansive travel, pursuing my childhood dreams, and a trip to Burning Man—a different story was emerging, one where knowing myself became paramount to revealing the creativity within.

I suggest that it’s time to stimulate a change in our mentality; indeed, a reframing of our collective beliefs about the artist’s role in society, and the purpose of creativity is worth exploring deeper to understand it’s value. Engaging in any form of art offers us the chance to grow, learn, and receive insight through the process of discovery.

The only thing that we are innately obsessed with more than drama, are stories of transformation. And that’s the promise of art—as we take up the paintbrush, uncage the soul through dance, or envision a film project—we become something greater in the process; we tap into a kind of creative divinity, and the horizons of life expand with more depth and meaning.

There is perhaps nothing more miraculous and awe-inspiring than that realization, if we’d just surrender the suffering and turn the mythos of the tortured artist into a thriving artist.

Let’s create a new story in which artists are respected as healers, of themselves through their craft and as a culture’s expressive agent of change and identity. Where they are not seen as crazy, but as creators.

Some of us are afraid to tap back into our artistic side because we believe that it puts us at-risk of being unstable; it’s quite the opposite. As we shed fear of failure, or even fear of success with what we pursue creatively, we open up a more vast and vibrant life that can be healthy, happy, and fulfilling.

“Achieving artistic excellence, each holds one attribute in common: each remains attuned to nature throughout the four seasons. Whatever is seen by such a heart and mind is a flower, whatever is dreamed is a moon.”

- written by the poet Basho at the beginning of his Knapsack Notebook

Kelly is the most adventurous, kind-spirited, and creative creature I’ve ever crossed. If I’m going to muster the courage, it better be a beautiful proposal!

After months of devising epic engagements, I settled for simple and more meaningful: A Scavenger Hunt! Not so simple actually, as I had to play off the escapade as a creative exercise prescribed from my Artist’s Way readings.

Although she was suspicious, she loves surprises, so the sequence of clues that led her to significant locations from our past was a delightful trip of discovery.




From an old time capsule she buried with a childhood friend, to the place of our first meeting where she inspired me to literally “run away with the Circus”, the treasure hunt was a kaleidoscope composed of family stories and extraordinary experiences together. I even costumed her father in a magical cloak (Kelly’s design)—delivering a riddle and golden coins to be buried under a majestic tree in “the land of Zilker”.

As we approached the big finale, big deep breaths kept me grounded as I prepared to pop the question. Pretending to set the camera on self-timer for a photograph, I sneakily pressed record.

The PLAN: As I ran into frame to pose, I would instead PROPOSE!

The circular wooden box shown is a notable relic from our past. The last day of Burning Man 2009, I gifted this dreambox to Kelly to help all her dreams come true. I also happened to be on bended knee, so in the moment she joked that it was a proposal. She filled the box with playa dust—what is considered to be sacred sand—and said that we would re-open this treasure when the time was ripe. Fast-forward over three years later, and Eureka!—the perfect ring box.

I am choosing marriage because to me it represents a symbolic dedication to supporting my beloved Co-Creator no matter the circumstance. I am grateful to embrace the miracle of our destiny together, and honor the unconditional love we share. Please support us as we explore what this transformative step means to us. The journey is just beginning! Our faces light up in anticipation of celebrating together with you. Time to plan a wondrous wedding, woot woot!

“Married People. We are a dying breed…we need the company!”
–Ciara Blossom, Visionary Artist/Wife

This year I made the resolution to write everyday. Inspired by the book, The Artist’s Way, I was determined to make a routine of writing 3 pages of Stream-of-Consciousness each morning. I did so well for about 9 whole days, and then…I fell off the wagon. Perhaps a weekend vacation or work deadline was to blame, regardless, I had let myself down and was so close to scrapping my other resolutions as well.
How could I give up so quickly!?
Have you ever found yourself falling into the same trap? Many of my creative comrades have confessed to giving up too easily. But there’s good news: If you feel strongly about making a change, it’s never too late to get back on track.
Feeling ashamed for days, my journal hung like an alarm that never stopped ringing at my bedside.
The sirens of my inner longing for self-expression called me back to the morning pages practice. And it felt so good.
Being a creature of contract work, it’s quite difficult for me to develop a lasting routine. But I’ve recognized a series of strategies to help myself and others stay focused on those important creative goals.

Step 1
Prioritize Prioritizing
The book Moonwalking with Einstein, relays the importance of using the day’s first brainpower to write your to-do list. In fact, I find that writing my to-do list the night before can be even more effective.
Nevertheless, prioritize creative time. Make space for the Muse. Get up an hour earlier, and learn why “the morning air has secrets to tell you”. If you don’t have any time to work on your art, you simply aren’t making it a priority, yet. Use a magic erase board or index cards to get clear on what deserves your attention each day. Iphone Calendars/Notes only work to a certain extent. Get physical and visual with your daily get sh*t done list. Which leads me to the next step…

Step 2
Keep your Creative Tools in Sight
If I hadn’t left my journal inches from my eyes when I rise from bed, I might not have been back on board with writing so soon; however, I let the book that would be the companion to my creative recovery collect dust under a table. I won’t do that again. Learning to know yourself is key, and if you need the yoga mat out in the middle of your room to maximize likelihood you’ll spend some time stretching, then DO IT! The same goes for the photographer—put your Camera on a Tripod in your room, or by the door. Put your blank canvas and brushes in a place ready to paint.
This tip is especially difficult for those that live in small spaces, but hey, I live in an RV, and if I can do it, you have no excuse.

Step 3
A Goal is a Dream with a Deadline
The above line is a quote from Bill Koch, a teenage magician featured in the documentary Make Believe. When it comes to realizing our creative dreams, a healthy dose of practicality is helpful. I suppose hard deadlines are still a challenging issue for me, as I love exercising my metaphysical muscles of manifestation that leave the heavy lifting to the Universe. But if you are going to be a serious student of your craft, go back to the basics of setting deadlines for yourself, and you’ll be delighted when opportunities come your way that force you to meet your goals in time for special events that seemed to appear from thin air.

Step 4
Progress, not perfection
This one comes from The Artist’s Way and may be the most true to my personal experience. Often times I find myself unwilling to take the next step because I know it won’t be perfect. Settle for progress, and shed the need to be perfect the first time. Creative realization is a product of energy investment. The more time and thought you dedicate to a project, the more fully detailed and alive it will become over time. The spelunker becomes the miner becomes the jeweler. Go deep—truly explore within, draw from what has promise, and POLISH away.

Step 5
Leap and the trapeze will appear
You may notice this is a revision from the highly-quoted John Burroughs, “Leap and the net will appear”. I say screw the net. If you want safety choose a different field. The film director Robert Rodriguez suggests “something magical happens when we take action.” Truly, the Universe conspires in our favor when we have the courage to move forward and create. Whether you declare your intentions, or just hit record, you will be surprised at how often the trapeze appears, the acrobat offers open arms, and the dance begins.

Each of us has the freedom to create. It comes down to something we choose. If you’ve been feeling called to share what’s alive in you, it might be time you answered.

Click here to view the embedded video.

And now that you’ve watched the video, here’s a little background: I met Keveen backpacking France 5 years ago.  Now he and his lovely wife, Gina, are traveling across the globe from Australia, through Austin, to Mexico, where they will be establishing a holistic education and permaculture center.  ‘Korakor’ is their organization, and represents empowerment through a ‘body to body’ connection with life, others, oneself and all that makes our world.   That’s exactly how it felt hosting our four guests in our trailer for a week!   It was both a physical tight squeeze, and an emotional tight-knittedness, with the depth of friendship we developed in those few days. The joys and jokes to be had were endless and it was a much-needed refresher to co-create this video with them.  Be sure to check out this inspiring couple and their project (and get yourself a shirt while you’re at it) on their website www.korakor.org.

Greenheart Creative, Korakor, and friends exploring East Austin Studio Tour in Austin, TX. E.A.S.T.

Korakor, Greenheart Creative, and Friends becoming art at E.A.S.T.

Dearest Kamikaze Love Lion,

When you first came into my life, I had no idea how much love, laughter, and adventure you would inspire.  Although you graced us with your precious presence for less than two years, you became our whole world.  We even joked that we bought the travel trailer so we could accommodate going on the road with you… and when I think about it, it’s totally true.  I am grateful that we shared that trip together.  The way you slept on my lap or shoulder as I drove will forever make those spaces feel empty as I move forward.  But I know that your love endures.  Please help me to fulfill the incredible tenderness and nurturing that you offered Kelly.  She loved you with the dedication that most only extend to their children.  You were both our best friend and baby.  Though you acted like a dog.  Tolerating a leash, almost relishing every opportunity to jump in the car with us or go for walks.  My deepest regret is that we felt it best to leave you back home in Austin for the last half of our journey.   Please know we didn’t abandon you.  The road was boring without you.  I even miss your claws latching into me as you climbed over me to reposition within our truck.

I wish we knew how much it would hurt. Our hearts are empty and our hope is nearly shattered.  Somehow, we still hold out for something miraculous to happen; because that’s how you were, a complete miracle.   Kelly said that maybe the coyotes were so fond of you they took your collar off and invited you to join their clan in the wild.  Regardless, a love this strong can’t ever be broken.  We are open to your spirit reuniting with us in some other form.  Thank you for teaching me the true meaning of unconditional love.

Rest in peace.

Love,

Jefe & Kelly

This weekend, a film I play the lead role in, “This is Now” will be opening at the Clinton Street Theatre in Portland, Or.  After a successful debut screening at the Hollywood Theatre a couple weeks ago, the word-of-mouth has earned the film a festival run, great reviews, and a nice buzz here in Portland.

We had the pleasure of working and traveling to all four Wanderlust Festivals this summer to do the video production.  The Wanderlust Festivals merge yoga, music, and nature at fancy shmancy ski resorts across the country—in Vermont, Colorado, California, and Whister BC.  It’s not your average hippy dippy campout sing-along, nor is it a mecca of radical self-expression like our beloved Burning Man Festival; however, it’s epic in its own right, in the way that so many spiritual, eco-conscious, and physically active people can congregate to share their love of what is Sacred to them—Yoga.  Or put literally—Union.    Yoga is a practice, which seeks to align mind, body, and spirit.  Through the practice of yoga one can become further connected to oneself and all those around them.  This love extends beyond oneself, to affect community and planet at large in a very doable, non-partisan, and practical way.

Traveling by truck, trailer, and car to all of the festivals was it’s own trial.  Despite moments where we felt exhausted, depleted, confused, angry, and overwhelmed over our truck dying; the impulse that quite literally catapulted this journey, “Wanderlust”, was also ironically what helped us maintain an underlying calm throughout the chaos through the actual festival experience of the same name.  I feel it helped develop our emotional intelligence as a partnership.  We learned to balance the stress with a centered perspective, maintaining an attitude of gratitude, and knowing that this was perhaps all happening for a divine reason.  A reason I’m sure will be illuminated later down the road.

Despite all the challenges along the path, this summer has given me so much hope.  We met congressman Tim Ryan who is actively working to establish meditation in public schools across the country.  We interviewed founders of Off the Mat Into the World who mobilize the yoga community to get involved in global service projects.  We shot dozens of insightful lectures in the Speakeasy series that promises to be an emerging platform like Ted Talks with a focus on mindful living.  I’m grateful to see Yoga spreading and expanding to meet some of our greatest needs as a society and species on Earth—to slow down, become more aware, and find balance in all that we do.  Hopefully, our work can be even more of a reflection of these values moving forward.

During our stay we noticed a funky problem with our truck.  We hesitantly took it to the auto shop.  Despite our hopeful intentions, two mechanics gave Golden Ganesha a terminal diagnosis.  She needs a new engine!  Brand new Cummins Diesel engines run about 18,000 bucks! And a new truck costs fifty grand!

Faced with the overwhelming financial burden of the situation, an endless puzzle of decision-making, and facing a time crunch to get to Colorado in three days for the next Wanderlust–we  decided to take a rental car (with cat too!) there and back to buy us some time to think it over. It seemed the back and forth mental jigsaw of figuring out our next steps would NEVER END! We’re not going to lie; this news is a huge bummer. Yes this sucks. Yes this is a game changer. To make light of the situation, at least we have our health; at least this is news about our truck dying, not a friend or family member dying.  It’s not life or death; it’s just life in debt.  (Which is scary in its own right.)  But, as Dolly Parton says “…if you want the rainbow; you gotta put up with the rain” (had to keep our southern charm alive).

After realizing that no tow truck in the United States could tow our trailer because of the type of hitch installed, and after experiencing the uplifting, mindful, and optimistic energy of the Wanderlust Yoga Community, we realized our best/only option was to operate on Magic and Faith.  We would try to pull our trailer back to Texas. We had a lot of people praying for us to make it all the way and not break down in the middle of nowhereville.  Golden Ganesha was smoking before we even left Chicago, but somehow we defied the odds and limped our huge gypsy wagon back into Austin.  Oh yes, we celebrate the epic achievement!  We had gone through 3 gallons of diesel oil, which had been sprayed over every last surface and crevice of our trailer.  We spent two of the three days in Austin washing our trailer, and the third visiting our Food Is Free friends as they planted a new wicking bed garden.  We safely stored our Mobile Mansion and truck at my Uncle’s auto shop.

As quick as we had arrived in Austin, we were on the road again to California in grandma’s car.   What is a journey without the challenges along the way?  Hey, it’s what keeps us truly living every day! Maybe that’s why we keep on truckin’.

We stuck through this situation together, and we thank everyone who has been in our corner this Summer.  We have finally landed in Portland, and have so many more adventures to share, and a beautiful new chapter is unfolding.

“Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you, but as the attitude you bring to life.”
   - John Homer Miller

The Funky Signs

The Last Scrub

Scratching Break in Colorado

Food is Free bus on way to plant a garden.

Highlights thus far have been plenty. We spent quality time with Jenni (Jefe’s sister) who hitched a ride to our grandparents place in Virginia, seeing beautiful Asheville, North Carolina en route. We also stayed with Jefe’s Cousins up in Connecticut and enjoyed their good cheer and open land. Most recently, we’ve soaked in the scenery of Vermont connecting with friends from college and other travels. If you’ve never been to Burlington, Vermont, put it on your list! It definitely fits within the Austin-Portland-Asheville vibe that we so adore. Would love to share more, but hopefully the pictures below will aptly paint the lovely times we’ve enjoyed so far! As Grandma says, we’re “ON THE ROAD AGAIN!”

With Kristen Anderson and Jenni at Dobra Tea in Asheville, NC

Saying Goodbye to Jefe’s Grandparents and Jenni

Jefe’s Cousin Kathy and Husband Jay in Connecticut

Prairie Fairy in Connecticut

The Coolest House in Burlington Where Kelly’s College Roommate Lives

The Secret Beach

Kelly’s Ole’ Eckerd College Friends
Kelly, Vanessa, Kim, Andrea

]]> http://greenheartcreative.com/roadtrip-tour-2012-from-texas-to-vermont/feed/ 6 http://greenheartcreative.com/explosions-in-the-sky-music-video/ http://greenheartcreative.com/explosions-in-the-sky-music-video/#comments Sun, 17 Jun 2012 00:44:13 +0000 jefe http://greenheartcreative.com/?p=677

Click here to view the embedded video.